Stupendium, the - A summary in Sumery

Oh, hello! You don't look familiar!
I suppose you're here for
A little bit of lyrical enlightenment, hmm?
Alright then. Strap in!

Welcome weary Traveler,
You're new, I haven't seen ya
You stand amidst the grandeur of Sumeru Akademiya
A scholarly repository of knowledge and philosophy
Concoction and apocrypha are seldom to be seen here
Our word is official in a whirlwind of disciplines
Enlightening the minds of the world and its citizens
You strike me as likely a person who's visiting?
So, might be you find you're uncertain of fitting in?
We've boffins in technology and noggins for biology
But you've dropped into the college of the prof of Aetiology
The study of what was and is, their causes and, well, probably
You'd think of it as 'history', simplistic but just tolerably
So, honored be the Sumeru to summarize events for
A quick initiation to equip you for adventure
The mythic twists of nations, the intrigues and invasions
Exquisitely relayed by a semi-certain mentor
I'll be honest, there's a lot of it,
And though we're never wrong
There's a reason no one's ever tried to show it in a song
Whilst musicians of tradition
Throughout the kingdom might prefer ballads
When I'm spitting wisdom,
You'll forgive a little word salad

Right... here goes then.
I'll start with the easy stuff. Well... easy-ish...

So I'll take you through the basics,
The most obvious of straight facts
You've landed in the land known as the continent of Teyvat
It's made of seven nations, there's Natlan and then Fontaine and
Sumeru and Inazuma, Snezhnaya, Liyue, Mondstadt
Now, don't get overwhelmed, there's a plethora of realms
Elemental Light, abyssal Void and human, where we dwell
But don't think of them as places, they all take up the same space
It's more like layers in a cake, well, no that's silly, maybe, well...
The cake is filled with currants! No, the elemental kind!
There's light and dark respectively, but ours are called Ley Lines
Like magic streams of energy that carry all the memories
Of everyone that's ever been and all they've left behind
Perhaps I should have tackled this before we'd begun
But the human realm was helmed by 'The Primordial One'
I'd expect a god progenitor needs modern context first?
No, this is too complex, I'll save it for the next verse

The Genshin dimension is pretty intense
Filled with events too dense to mention
Now, I don't mean to test your comprehension
But I think it's best you pay attention
If you fall from the stars for all sorts of fun travels
Before you can start, you've got lore to unravel
The Akademiya encyclopaedia's a crack source
Want to make an Impact? You'll need a crash course!

Right. You got all that? Good! How about a little ancient history?
Ok! You asked for it!

So, many milennia ago there was the Sovereigns
Dragon Lords, the all-powerful sort, just sort of hovering
About, all seven with a territory, embellished
By their presence with their elemental offerings
You want to hear specifics? Well, we haven't got time
But each nation's god has got their own impact on their climes
There's Cryo, Pyro, Hydro, Dendro, Electro, Geo, Ameno
Really convenient that they all happen to rhyme!
Then obviously enters The Primordial One
The progenitor I mentioned? And a war was begun
The Primordial One fought the lords of dragons
And when all's said and done, The Primordial... won
The old world ends and the new begins
Which the god made fit to have humans in
And though peace and prosperity were brief, we can generally
Agree the human realm is quite a useful thing
An addendum I should mention, there were sisters in the moon
Only one of them was Canon but I'm pretty sure it's true
They lived in a Lunar Palace where they kept the stars in balance
And a people, called the Seelie, rose to relevancy too
But that's beside the point, the fact is all were living happily
For several generations gods reside beside humanity
A great civilization, nations weaved into a tapestry
Of arts and innovation - then the ancient calamity
The universe did just get a rebirth
But it soon laid waste to the heavens and earth
When The Second Who Came, yes, I swear that's their name
Suddenly entered the game and well,
The records are regretfully mehhh
What happened next? We're not actually sure
They were far too busy dying to keep track of the score
The moon sisters eclipsed and the Seelie were wisped and -
Let's just break for a chorus then come back for the war...

The Genshin dimension is pretty intense
Filled with events too dense to mention
And this session's intent's to attempt to condense
And to dispense with all the questions
If you fall from the stars for all sorts of fun travels
Before you can start, you've got lore to unravel
The Akademiya encyclopaedia's a crack source
Want to make an Impact? You'll need a crash course!

Oh! You're still here! People don't normally make it this far
I thought you might have switched for a different video
During the second chorus! Heh heh...
Right...

Listen up! It's time to learn about the Archon War!
When it started? Again, we are not sure!
It either starts in the calamity or after it, what matters is
It happened, it was bad, and that it lasted for
At least a whole millennium, again, be clear, we're guessing here
The deities in Celestia, a region in the heavens, where
The gods sit in their special chairs and sit and do whatever,
Dared to question who knew better
And who gets to keep on resting there
Seven divine seats saw the heavens divided
Each nation collides with those they used to ally with
As deities fight over a place in the sky
Until they got a seating plan they could agree on decided
And when chaos subsided and the seats were agreed
And those nations in flames had their new deities decreed
All seven could then get on with an era of peace
Nope! There was an eighth one hiding beneath their feet!
Yes, Khaenri'ah was underground and hidden from the gods
Which as you can imagine, well, they didn't like a lot
So they smote them for their vanity,
Now known as the calamity
Which backfired quite spectacularly, well what were the odds?
As they unleashed abyssal creatures, which was probably horrific
But again, when being eaten, no one documents specifics
So, better not to dwell because it's plainly depressing
Another half-millennia and hey, it's the present!

The Genshin dimension is pretty intense
Filled with events too dense to mention
Now, I don't mean to test your comprehension
But I think it's best you pay attention
And this session's intent's to attempt to condense
And to dispense with all the questions
To make a little sense and help retention
A melody to prep you for ascension
If you fall from the stars for all sorts of fun travels
Before you can start, you've got lore to unravel
The Akademiya encyclopaedia's a crack source
Want to make an Impact? You'll need a crash course!
Want to fight gods? Well, before your destiny
You're gonna have to battle with some lore complexities
You can master magic or amass a great attack force
Want to make an impact? You'll need a crash course!

There we go! We're done!
A complete and through history of the land of Teyvat
Everything you could need to know
Though I did neglect to mention the Gnoses,
The Vision-wielders, the Fatui
And the Abyss Order,
At least one or two other types of dragon...
Look there's a lot okay? You'll figure it out...
It's stressful trying to keep track of this stuff! It takes a toll!
Look at me! I'm only twenty-six!